I've always been a renaissance woman. I have always wanted to be all and do all. Most of my endeavors have been about promoting other people, about telling stories that don't get told, about bringing attention to work, individuals and movements. I have always wanted to be a publisher, a writer, a filmmaker, a poet, a performer, a leader, an academic, a creative being that moves mountains and shakes souls with my creative works. I am all those things and sometimes do them well...but for some reason it is so hard to do those things for myself. All of these projects would seem like they are about myself but for some reason I remain unable to move the spirits in my soul for the projects that are just about me.
I am a natural collaborator a person who naturally gravitates to people with potential and wants to help develop that potential in every way. I naturally want to help and counsel and cheerlead and coach and love...But how can I break out and do for myself, the way I really need to? A very simple example is I set the goal of publishing my first solo chap book this summer. I began dilligently. Sifting through journals and typed up poems. Took an amazing writing workshop that rocked my world and melted my face off.
I had all this energy and what did I do? I directed that towards other folks, towards making an anthology of central american poets. Again its something I've always wanted to do and is about to be completed, but where am I? wheres the energy directed at editing my work and doing what I wanted to do? Well at least its not wasted energy. And please, this is not a complaint. This is just something I need to constantly work on. Of course it would be great if I was recognized for my fabulousness and the work just fell into place but these are the struggles of the fabulously misunderstood. I'll keep working at while you all work on discovering my unrecognized genius and we'll find a happy medium.